Music Selections of the Week:
1. “100 Years” by Five for Fighting
2. “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper
3. “Pachelbel’s Canon” by Slipknot
1. Tornado warning: Every part of this past week’s tornado scare was AWESOME.
9:12 AM – Receive ND Alert Message: “This is an ND Alert. There is imminent threat to campus from a TORNADO. Go to the lowest level of your building. Take cover!” Man your battle stations!
9:23 AM – Friend and I wonder if 9:30 class will still be held, recalling a certain -37 F winterstorm we once were forced to go to class in.
9:27 AM – PA system announces that this craziness is serious. Simultaneously, friend and I decide that while Chemistry class is killing us at a linear rate, a tornado would kill us exponentially. No class!
9:33 AM – Antoine Dodson reappears in my life as I receive this message from a friend: “Hey. Tornado warning. Hide your kids. Hide your wife. They’re snatching your people up.”
9:33 AM – 10:40 AM – Binge on Robot Unicorn Attack! (Seriously, z to jump, x to dash.)
10:45 AM – Receive ND Alert: “This is an ND Alert. The tornado warning for St. Joseph County has expired. The tornado warning has expired.” Snack time is over, kids: back to class. BACK TO CLASS!
2. Southwest Airlines: Yeah. That’s right, I’m endorsing an airline even though I’ve yet to fly them anywhere in the Southwest. To start: They’ve got some pretty cheap tickets and 2 free bags, not 1, but 2. They’re the only airline that understands that I get really angry when you charge me for stuff that should be free. I could mail my suitcases to my destination for cheaper (maybe next break I’ll just mail myself to where I need to go). And when a man wants his peanuts, you better give him his peanuts, none of this pretzel garbage: Southwest gets this. And now for some flight attendant humor:
“Ladies and gentlemen please have at least one eye open and pretend to follow along with the safety information card. For those of you who haven’t ridden in a car since the 1960s here’s how a seat belt works – buckle into clip (thanks, Ralph Nader!). If cabin pressure changes oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. Tell the person next to you to stop hysterically crying and worrying about death. Remember, if you’re seated next to a child or someone acting like a child, secure your own mask first, then their mask. In the case of a water evacuation, slip and slides will deploy so have fun on the way down. Aboard this 737 there are two lavatories. Due to FAA Regulations you can no longer form conga lines while waiting for the front lavatory. At Southwest we aim to please and while using the lavatories other customers would appreciate it if you would please aim.”
Just before landing: “We know you have many choices when flying, thank you for choosing Southwest. If you enjoyed your flight remember to come back soon. If you didn’t enjoy it, we really don’t care. The local weather in Memphis is 45 degrees and rainy, great weather if you’re a duck. And now that we’ve touched down in Memphis please wait for the captain to turn off the fasten seatbelt sign and use caution when opening overhead bins, because remember, shift happens. And the captain has now turned the fasten seatbelt sign off, get off the plane!”