“We’ve tried academic violations before,” said Kelly. “We cheated on a few tests–who cares? It’s boring stuff, and I firmly believe that my boys can do better. I mean, after all, we’re undefeated in football. Why can’t we be undefeated in crime?”

The rat’s name? Rat.

Freshmen are coming to Notre Dame with vast dreams of exploring everything in their education, only to have these dreams obliterated a week before heading home for the holidays

In a shocking statement released late Friday afternoon, Nathan Bailey, Head Groundskeeper at the University of Notre Dame, admitted to overseeing the covert transplanting and/or spray-painting of thousands of trees on campus.

This taco can think, and this taco can even do a little dance, changing your Taco Bell experience by offering dinner and a show.

Thanks to Hollywood film nerds, ever-willing to fake scientific progress with a camcorder and a little imagination, NASA has once again exploited the dreams of every young astronaut while simultaneously contributing to the nation’s debt.

Here are some winter-y tips to get you through this season of snow and cold and presents and cold and dark and cold.

After spending hours reviewing good and bad deeds from the past year, toymaker and reindeer hobbyist Santa Claus determined that Notre Dame finance major Bryce Ratner was just good enough to get nearly everything on his Christmas list.

The popular campus indie-folk band “Rousseau’Shaughnessy”, comprised of 11 sophomore English majors living in Dillon Hall, is set to play their first public show at Legends this coming weekend.

A watchdog reflects on the ups and downs of autumn