Rover polls female students on motherhood, career possibilities
For female students in particular, considerations of future family loom large in preparations for life after graduation. The Irish Rover conducted a survey of 183 female students from Notre Dame, Saint Mary’s College, and Holy Cross College, gathering their perspectives on motherhood and careers.
Female students overwhelmingly expressed a desire to become mothers, with 78 percent saying they “definitely plan to have children in the future.” Most respondents plan to wait several years before having children, with 43 percent planning to wait between three and five years and 34 percent planning to delay having children at least five years after graduation.
One possible explanation for this delay is career motivations—29 percent of respondents agreed with the statement, “I need to wait to have children until I have success in my career.” Similarly, 40 percent of students believed it would be easier for them to be successful if they did not have children. Forty-five percent of respondents concluded that they “feel pressure to pursue a career before family.”
Regarding possible timelines, one respondent stated, “I feel pressure to complete higher education (i.e., medical school) prior to starting a family.” Another added, “I feel like there is a strong pressure that getting married young and having children young is strange or irresponsible or extreme.”
One student expressed reservations about mothers being too young, saying, “[H]aving children before your frontal lobe is developed is wildly irresponsible.” Another student discussed pressure from her family to “focus on a career at the expense of the family and to focus on career building until at least [her] thirties.”
Despite these reservations, most female students expressed positive views towards the prospect of raising children, either as full-time mothers or working professionals. Ninety percent of respondents agreed that it is possible to have children and be successful in their careers, illustrating the general optimism of the survey’s results. One student commented, “While it may be ‘easier’ to pursue a career without also being a mother, it is more fulfilling to do both.”
Two professors currently balancing working life and motherhood echoed this sentiment to the Rover. Margaret Freddoso, a former Postdoctoral Research Scholar with the Center for Citizenship and Constitutional Government (CCCG), and Gabrielle Girgis, also a past Visiting Scholar with the CCCG, both balance a variety of academic work with their role as mothers. This semester, the two are co-teaching a course called “Catholicism, Sex, Law, and Politics,” as well as continuing their individual research and, in Freddoso’s case, work with local schools and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
When asked how being a mother has affected her own life, Freddoso told the Rover by email, “Being a mother has deepened my sense of purpose and joy, and brought to life a central dimension of myself. … I am not able to develop or use certain talents in ways that I could before marriage, invest in certain relationships, or pursue certain professional opportunities, and this can be a source of sorrow. But sorrow and joy go together, and no part of one’s life is ever wholly lost; it is reborn in a different form. As a friend of mine said to me recently, motherhood isn’t as much about hardship or delight as it is about grit and glory.”
Regarding her “work-life” balance as a mother, Girgis told the Rover by email, “[It] always seems to me that ‘integration’ better captures what we are aiming for, rather than ‘balance.’ We’re looking for ways to harmonize different aspects of our vocation, in a way that gives priority to some over others and helps clarify what we can reasonably commit ourselves to.”
Girgis added that such integration is often difficult for women, saying, “It’s hard to discern how to reach the point where we feel that we are contributing enough in the various ways that we can or should as uniquely created women, wives, mothers, and professionals, and also in a way that doesn’t leave us totally exhausted or burnt out. … But again, clarity about my vocation and the general order of its priorities (marriage, motherhood, professional work) has been so helpful for navigating this constant ebb and flow.”
Girgis also reflected on the importance of creativity in decisions about when and how to work while caring for children, emphasizing the importance of focusing on the “long game” of her career. In her own life, this has meant seeing her work as “primarily research-based at this stage of [her] family life, and ideally more teaching-focused when [her] kids are older, as opposed to pursuing the more traditional, full time, joint research and teaching that a tenure track career requires.”
Freddoso similarly emphasized the necessity of planning ahead for any women in college hoping to become mothers: “If you want a meaningful career as well as a family, hopefully you will be able to have it. However, you will have to prioritize either family or career. I would encourage you to prioritize the formation of a family, if you want one, and accept that your career will likely look different than the options presented to you as an undergraduate. You will have to be creative, courageous, hard-working, and clear about the life that you want.”
The second half of the survey focused on the role of stay-at-home mothers (SAHMs). Most students appreciated the value of SAHMs, with 90 percent agreeing that SAHMs have as much impact on their communities as female professionals.
Results were more varied when considering the importance of college for SAHMs. Thirty-seven percent of students agreed that a college education is less useful for SAHMs than it is for working professionals, while 21 percent believe that college would not be a “good use” of their college degrees. One respondent qualified her statements, telling the Rover, “The immediate impacts of a college education are likely more oriented towards a career or serving one’s community, but the character formation and education can also be used in raising children.” Another added, “I believe that a lot of these questions are dependent on majors. For instance, an English degree would be more useful for a SAHM than an engineering degree would.”
Several responses touched on external pressures to work after graduation rather than staying at home. One respondent shared, “It is hard to be open about my vocation as mother and wife on this campus. I feel that I often have to have some ‘career’ in mind to justify my education. But I want to be [educated] in order to raise my children in truth.”
Another simply said, “I wish, ‘I want to be a mother’ was an acceptable answer to the question, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’”
Responses demonstrated a generally positive outlook towards motherhood. The majority of respondents plan to have children in the future and expressed hope that they could both work and spend time with their children.
Many individual comments, however, illustrated an underlying tension: Women who feel called to motherhood are unsure of how to prioritize their children versus their careers. One respondent shared her own experience, saying, “This has been a topic that I have been really struggling with. … I constantly have the internal battle of how being a mother will factor into my life. I want to be a mother first and a professional second, but don’t want my career to halt while having children.”
Another expressed concerns about the biological impacts of waiting to have children for the sake of a career: “I feel like the pressure is equal on both sides. I want to finish my education and get my career started before I have kids, but my body is running on a clock. What if I’m finally ready to have kids but none of my eggs are viable[?]”
To the many female students worrying about their futures as mothers, professionals, or both, Girgis offered a final piece of advice: “Be not afraid! As St. John Paul the Great would say, and my husband so often tells me. … God calls each woman to her own path of love and service, and will provide you with what you need to make the right decision about marriage, family, and work at each stage. He also helps us course correct when we don’t.”
Haley Garecht is a senior studying political science, constitutional studies, and Irish studies. She is originally from Philadelphia, where she has gained years of practice as a mother while nannying five boys. For any advice regarding wiffle ball pitching, diaper changing, or creek fishing, please contact her at hgarecht@nd.edu.
Photo Credit: Notre Dame News, modified
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