Music Selections of the Week:

1. “This Side” by Nickelcreek

2. “Hooked on a Feeling” by David Hasselhoff (The Youtube video is best)

3. “One Man’s Desire” by Yanni (Just listen to all of his stuff while you’re studying)

Living as Michael Jackson:

If you haven’t gotten your bike stolen since you’ve been here you probably care about it just a little bit too much. Well, when mine was stolen twice last semester, I started to care a little bit more, but after the second time it needed to be put down as it was missing all brakes, a seat, and a left petal (Doris was such a good bike). I finally just made the trip to Walmart and bought another one, but I didn’t need a new lock. The reason I still had one was because I hadn’t used it the two times my bike was stolen. So now that I have a new bike, what happens? The lock gets stuck on the bike. And at the band practice field of all places (southern most part of campus). So, after jamming the key in three or four times I decided to just carry it back. It’s a Thursday afternoon so of course the campus is packed with visitors who now think all ND students are thieves because I’m carrying a locked bike across campus, not to mention it must have looked like I was under the influence of something because I had the inner frame resting on my neck like it was “n.b.d. “


1. America: “Some speak of an age of terror. I know there are struggles ahead and dangers to face. But this country will define our times, not be defined by them…As long as the United States of America is determined and strong, this will not be an age of terror. This will be an age of liberty here and across the world… Our nation, this generation, will lift the dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. WE WILL NOT TIRE, WE WILL NOT FALTER AND WE WILL NOT FAIL.” –September 20, 2001 President George Bush in response to the attacks of September 11. Iraq, Afghanistan, it really doesn’t matter because like Liam Neeson in the movie “Taken,” America has a very particular set of skills that it has acquired over a long time that makes us a nightmare for people like the Taliban. By the way, if you’re a Somali pirate I would heed this warning because you won’t even see the Navy Seal who ends it for you.

2. God, Country, Notre Dame. In that order. So God’s always on top, thus a nonfactor. So I guess we chalk up our little football hiccup this past September 11 to country. USA – 1, ND – 0. Believe me though I’m not equating the country to “skunkbear” (a synonym for Wolverine, seriously Wikipedia it). I’m just saying that if you’re going to lose at least we can say that patriotism for country won the day over fanaticism for Notre Dame. Enough excuses, we’ll get all three this week, God, Country, AND Notre Dame = Irish victory over Spartans. If you didn’t get this the first time, The Rover is probably too intellectual for you. Just read it again and ask an engineer.

3. Old Spice: Anyone who can get Ray Lewis to ride a turbo-powered raven that blows up Saturn deserves my business. The man with the dancing pecs was nice for a while (BLOCK!), a little creepy, and then they came back with Mr. Perfect. So while I wasn’t using lady-scented body wash, I did just realize I’ve been using suave shampoo + conditioner as body wash: reason enough to switch. Who knows, at least I’ll smell like I can bake a gourmet cake in a kitchen I built with my own hands. THE TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS!


1. BP at the career fair: “We’re offering a special internship. Position: Looking for a highly motivated and somewhat conniving student. Responsibilities are mainly of a clerical nature. We need you to shred some not so important documents detailing the events of some oil that apparently leaked in the gulf. Additionally, we’ll need you redirect all phone calls concerning any animal issues to the World Wildlife Federation (WWF). Our number is apparently very similar to their number. Don’t be surprised if the customers sound very angry and insist that they don’t have the wrong number. That’s what you get paid the big bucks for, diffusing misunderstandings, because remember, BP’s always right”. Seriously though, I went to the career fair and asked the lady what kind of summer internships they had. “Well we have most of our programs in Houston and Alaska. It’s an online application, but this year we won’t be conducting on campus interviews because, well… our engineers are a little busy.” Can’t imagine why they’d be more busy than usual.

2. Pastor Fruity Tooty Handlebar mustache from Florida – I loved your Quran burning idea. You’ve obviously never watched one of those Aljazeera videos where the Taliban makes threats against America. I think our goal is to avoid increasing the rate at which those come out. So if we wanted your Quran burning opinion we would have given it to you… and we didn’t. Let’s think about what Antoine Dodson would say to this… “You are so dumb you’re really, really dumb.” With one change, “We’re not looking for you, we gonna hide you.” Last thing, as a Christian pastor do you remember that Jesus is a prophet in Islam? Nuff said.