Music Selections of the Week:

1. “November Blue” by Avett Brothers
2. “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton
3. “Breakeven” by The Script


South Dining Hall Staff: If you don’t know Robert, Dorothy, Timmy, Dennis, Otis, Kenny, Lisa, Carl, Tony, Braylon, Chris, and Big Mike, among others, you don’t really know South Dining Hall. These fine ladies and gentlemen ask you if you want regular or egg white, one slice of flank steak or four, and if you want
shrimp in your stir fry, or, as they say, “shramp.” Over the past couple years I’ve stopped going to North
Dining Hall for two reasons: 1) the food is proven to give you cancer 2) I could literally get delivery Papa
John’s faster than a make-your-own-pizza. No, but really, Big Mike is my favorite milkman, Timmy does
the omelets like no other, and Braylon wins because he cooks the mozzarella sticks. John and Lila are the
cutest card swiping couple, swiper Mike also happens to be the stadium announcer, and breakfast could not properly begin with Dennis saying “Thank you, have a good day.” Actually, if you say it to him
first, he will say something different to you . . . try it. So next time you’re in line at SOUTH, pull your head out of your tray and say “hi” to the people who love you.

United Nations: I’m not sure why I’m cheering this, but this week the UN appointed its first liaison for
visiting space aliens. Mazlan Othman is the head of the UN’s Office for Outerspace Affairs (UNOOSA). Okay . . . both the lady and office sound like they’re from outer space. Professor Richard Crowther who is an expert in space law and governance at the UK Space Agency refers to Othman as the ‘take me to your leader’ representative. First of all, can you imagine a class where Crowther talks about Area 51 everyday? Othman still has to have the greatest job ever. She sits at a desk just waiting. I bet she has an
awesome nameplate that says “Chief Alien Ambassador Mazlan Othman.” And you thought working
in the computer cluster was the best job. It is such a relief to know that United Nations will have the
nations united to greet the first aliens.

I’m willing to contend that this past weekend, the football game had to be one of the most boring games
ever. I’m not going to hate too much today, though, since if I thought I could do a better job, I would pad-up and give it a try myself. However, I’m proposing some alternative cheers that may have been running through the heads of fans during the game: Instead of D-D-D-Defense, try D-D-D-Deflated, D-D-D-Defeated, D-D-D-Dejected, D-D-D-Desperate or just D-D-D-Boo. I can’t fault the D too much though because when they make an interception right before half and then are back on the field four plays later, winded and with cramped up thighs, and have to stop a rolling Stanford offense.Life just isn’t fair. It went from Defense-Defense-Take that ball away” to “Defense-Defense-PLEASSSSE don’t let them score.”

Overheard at Notre Dame on Facebook: This is just simply the ND version of It’s those stupid
things that students say and do that other stupid students document for eternity (then stupid students like me write about). Before I get into a couple good ones, let’s just think about this. Prospy is sitting at
home finds “Overheard at Notre Dame on Facebook,” laughs hilariously. Prospy’s mother walks in and
has one of two reactions: “I remember doing that in college” or “So that eliminates ND from the
stack of application fees I’ll be paying.” Here are some that are classics: “Yeah man, if I had messed
around in high school like Dave, I would have gone to Michigan too.” Then there are all the other ones
that just make you ask yourself: “Are there really people stupid enough to say and/or do that?” And if
you’re a serial poster to Overheard, remember to think of Prospy Johnny’s mother reading your post.