1. Nice hands, feet! Oh so many ways to make fun of USC now. Ronald Johnson I personally thank you for your early Christmas present this year. I regret to inform you, however, that I have no gift in return, but maybe if you call the NCAA they’ll still let you transfer out. Let’s now see what UT men’s basketball coach Bruce Pearl has to say about USC’s coach Lane Kiffin: “I’ve made mistakes, I clearly did,” Pearl said Monday while addressing the Knoxville Quarterback Club, “but what I was hoping for was that some other dumbass would get on the front page and take me off the hook. I miss Lane Kiffin.” And I applaud your student section shirts that said U Can’t Sanction (UCS) in Trojan colors. Because whether you’re USC, UCS, CSU, CUS, SCU, or SUCk, you were sanctioned. Enjoy the bowl game!
2. Baller-in-chief taking one for the team – I love me a president who can play some basketball and our commander-in-chief really can. While all of us were on pumpkin pie hangovers Baller-in-chief Barackoballer, (also the name of an ’08 bookstore basketball team), was boxing out and shooting J’s with his nephew and some cabinet members. He just didn’t realize that he would get elbowed in the face and need 12 stitches when Rey Decerega (Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute) was driving to the hoop. Okay, so he isn’t exactly President Andrew Jackson taking bullets in duels for his wife every other day but it was pretty cool to see him with a little warrior wound. Now the only question is block or charge?
1. TSA Backlash— I’ll admit that the TSA gets very friendly with their pat downs, but when you end up next to the guy with the butt bomb don’t complain to me. (Yes, I’ve been pulled aside for extra security.) Breaking news, the TSA is trying to stop terrorism but there’s definitely a better way. Rather than complain about it, come up with the better way and sell it to the Transportation Security Laboratory (TSL) and become a millionaire. I have an idea. How about every five people the TSA just asks, “How are you today sir/ma’am? Do you have a bomb?”
2. What the Heck North Korea? – Last March you decided it would be a good idea to torpedo a South Korean ship for ABSOLUTELY No Reason and then pretend like the torpedo was shot out of a rock in the ocean. Obviously, we have a liar in North Korea. Now they’re shooting up a South Korean Island as retaliation for a South Korean firing drill that happened in the middle of the deep blue sea. They said they’re sorry that people were killed but basically told South Korea the people shouldn’t have been there when they were firing. That’s like Homer Simpson chomping his mouth saying that if the pie happens to be eaten it’s the pie’s fault. Oh South Korea, you were such a tasty pie.
3. Black Friday – As my younger sister said over Thanksgiving, Black Friday is the day to “Stay home, lock your doors, and hide your kids because the crazies are out in full force.” If you’re willing to get up at 2 am in order to get to Macy’s by 3 am to buy a chique pair of flip-flops you’re crazy. Besides, Black Friday is for children, that’s why this year if you went to Toys ‘R’ Us, which I didn’t, you got a free box of crayons and a coloring book. And just think of the disappointment on Black Friday too. You might run into Arnold Schwarzenegger while looking for Turboman like those geniuses in that horrible movie “Jingle All the Way.” The worst part is that if you’re a normal American and have a specific sale where you can get in and get out this is the day where you can’t.