CHEERS

Responding to rejection – If you’re like me you’ve been applying to jobs and internships feverishly. You may also have received several notifications that you’re not as good as you thought you were. After thorough reflection and browsing the internet, I’ve determined the most appropriate response:

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your letter of March 24th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite your company’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Siegfried’s Day of Man – It was a good day to be in shorts and a t-shirt even before the MULAN music started playing.  We’re not sure how many Protestants were scandalized by the sale of indulgences these neon-clad guys were conducting in front of DeBartolo, but those of us on the way to Reformation history class at the time were in an ecumenical mood.

JEERS

Susan G. Komen Cancer Foundation – You couldn’t even last three days. After deciding to defund Planned Parenthood, you caved. I’m so embarrassed for you. It would have been better had you done nothing at all; then I would have thought you another benevolent organization fighting cancer. All it took was a top ranking official resigning in protest, some bullying from Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards, and a pinch of Nancy Pelosi commentary. Richards is so thrilled about your fickleness and even says she “treasures” your relationship. Wake up and smell the burnt coffee, Susan: she was mad at you yesterday, and now she’s fine. I think all she treasures is the $700,000 worth of your grants she gets every year.

Tuition Increase – Each May or June as the school year comes to a close our parents get a nice letter from the university that takes the concept of creative accounting to a new level. It goes something like this:

Dear parent,

We’re so thrilled about all of the wonderful things your child has done at Notre Dame and about the great research we’re conducting. In order to assure the continuation of such wonders, we’ll be increasing the tuition once again this year. But, don’t worry! It’ll be the same percentage increase as last year: a miniscule 3.8 percent. That’s not really that much more than inflation. Actually, it only amounts to another $2,060 over last year. Thanks again for sending your student to this lovely university where we value your energy, talent, time, and pocketbook.

I still wouldn’t trade it for anything though.

Wikimisledia – Remember the age-old warning from professors that you should not cite Wikipedia in anything? Well, the case of Professor Timothy Messer-Kruse of the School of Cultural and Critical studies at Bowling Green State University is the proof in the pudding. One rainy day in the office, Professor Messer-Kruse decided to search Wikipedia for information on the Haymarket riot and trial of 1886, a topic on which he had merely written two books and some articles. Since anyone can edit Wikipedia he decided to correct a misleading statement in the article on the riot and trial. Much to his flabbergastation, his change was reversed within 20 minutes with the explanation that such alterations require a credible source. Then he made a most fatal move. Changing the statement back again with an additional citation this time, he really peeved those “in charge” of the open editing. They not only told him that more popular views should be expressed, but also that if he did not stop his shenanigans, he would be considered a Wikipedia vandal. How’s that for Wikimisledia?