Colin Devine, Humor Guru


Cheers

Overheard at Waddick’s:  The new Notre Dame seating method is like a mullet: Business in the front, and a party in the back.

Stephen Colbert.  In addition to being one of the funniest men on television and a devout Catholic, he is famous for hundreds of brilliant one-liners like, “If I had a dime for every time that I was wrong, I’d be broke.”

This brilliant, poignant six-word memoir:  “I procrastinate; therefore, I do not.

Jeers

Due to a recent surge in the cost of American fortune cookie writers, more and more restaurants have been outsourcing the work to China.  The quality has suffered ever since, leading to fortunes like this:

Talking to my girlfriend in Welsh Fam about the recent talk about whether or not Notre Dame women can have it all.  She realized she has class at the same time, and I told her to skip class because she cannot have it all and she better get used to it…anticipating an angry email from the Gender Relations center, I rescind my previous comment.

The fact that this headline is real and not from the Onion:  “Completely average man quoted in newspapers so often the AP banned interviews with him.”  Or maybe this should be a cheer…?