Lilia Draime, Executive Editor

This year’s Notre Dame Forum on “Women in Leadership” has me a bit uneasy.  What really got me was how Father John Jenkins, CSC, explained in his message to the student body that this Forum is meant to introduce students to different fields “from the personal accounts of women who have risen to the top of their professions.”

Of course, Notre Dame women need strong role models as they consider post-graduation plans, and the university is the most natural venue through which students can encounter such individuals.  But given the extremely narrow focus on high-profile careerism, is the Forum doing women a disservice?  Let’s take a deeper look.

The message that this Forum puts out seems to be that a woman cannot be successful unless she is at the top of her field, and her career should be the focus of her time and energy.  These notions are limiting in two key ways and have contributed to feelings of guilt in women for decades.  First, it tells Notre Dame women that career success—embodied in high salary and high position—is the most important use of a college education.  More importantly, though, the Forum as described by Fr. Jenkins does not account for the two most important jobs most Notre Dame women will have in their lives: wife and mother.

Truly honoring the university’s commitment to educating the mind and the heart should without a doubt involve facilitating discernment of marriage and parenthood alongside discernment of careers.  The two realms are so intertwined that it seems counterproductive and potentially detrimental to divorce their presentation to young adults.

Notre Dame has a vested interest in cultivating a culture of marriage among the student body—faithful, stable, loving families are the foundation of a flourishing society.  Many modern cultural practices, norms and institutions undermine the beauty and value of Catholic marriage.  With influences like same-sex marriage, high divorce rates, unprecedented government aid to unwed mothers, contraception, reality television and the pervasive hook-up culture, one may assume that our generation is not learning about marriage from our parents, our communities or our entertainment.

There is a gap between reality and the Catholic ideal, and the university could easily and beautifully fill it.  So why has Notre Dame not risen to the challenge?  Certainly, the university does recognize some sort of need for intervention—the campus dialogue surrounding sexual assault and the hook-up culture clearly indicates that Notre Dame does indeed have a role in guiding the development of healthy relationships.

The problem is the university’s hands-off approach to dealing with relationships.  Instead of showing students the fruits of relationships lived in accordance with the Catholic faith, the tired refrain, from Frosh-O’s College HAS Issues to dorm dance procedures, is “always ask for consent.”  Not only does this imply that students are going to engage in sexual relations regardless of any formal efforts on behalf of the university, but it signals administrative exhaustion.  It indicates that there is no positive approach to addressing concerns about the status of gender relations on campus; “always ask for consent” degrades the Catholic ideal of “live a beautiful, virtuous relationship in accordance with the faith.”

There are a number of wonderful resources supporting the discernment of marriage and parenthood, but most seem to be the initiatives of individuals and are not endorsed by the university.  Rodzinka and the Right to Life club notably host events aimed at filling in the gaps existing in the campus culture.  The Edith Stein Project, one of the most incredible testaments to students’ commitment to gender and sexuality in accordance with the Catholic faith, began in 2006 as a response to the university’s endorsement of the Vagina Monologues.  Also startling is the fact that Fr. Jenkins’ 2013 Faculty Address mentioned briefly the procedure for reporting sexual assault and discrimination, but included nothing about strengthening interpersonal relationships through administrative initiatives.  The silence here is deafening.  A truly holistic education with as much devotion to healthy relationships as there is to careerism would both strengthen gender relations on campus and encourage students to make more informed decisions in their lives after Notre Dame.

The Forum provides the university with an opportunity to take seriously the education of the hearts of its students.  “Women in Leadership” should include meaningful discussion of three topics with which students, men and women alike, will inevitably grapple: career choices, behavior and decision-making, and relationships.

Determining a career path is stressful enough for young adults fresh out of college, even with the career resources and services provided by the university.  The presence of a spouse and children, however, dramatically changes our perception of major career decisions.  Notre Dame students need strong models of men and women who have faced tough decisions regarding their careers and their families.

There is no shortage of incredible mothers and fathers in the Notre Dame family and beyond who have made career choices and sacrifices based on the good of their families.  Notre Dame women in particular need to hear that there is no shame in embracing full-time motherhood, nor are their educations somehow less valuable because they are applying them primarily to raising their children.  Exposure to such families, especially through a large-scale event like the Forum, allows Notre Dame men and women to see how they can prioritize what matters to the university, as well as how others have made choices in ways that we can celebrate.

Examples, however, are only part of the equation.  The second element that needs to be addressed is behavior and decision-making.  As those called to marriage and parenthood choose careers, it is crucial to remain conscious of the fact that the family is more important than the individual.  Our actions, career-related and otherwise, have implications that will affect our families.

A sort of template for decision-making rooted in Catholic doctrine would provide students with a means to properly and morally assess decisions related to career and family life.  It could be as simple as Campus Ministry or residential staffs distributing to every student a few questions and statements crafted by alumni, faculty and local families to guide prayer and discussion in their lives on campus and in the future.

Finally, it is not possible to teach anyone how to be an objectively good spouse or parent, but Notre Dame should take seriously the instillation of virtue and understanding of the Church’s teachings on sexuality.  Facilitating the cultivation of patience, temperance, charity, forbearing, gentility and chastity will make for better students, better citizens and better families.  The formation of these virtues should begin in the classroom with prayer to begin class, emphasis on the personal and societal benefits of Catholic families and approaching all course themes from a Catholic perspective.

In addition to these virtues, a comprehensive understanding of the Church’s sexual teachings is essential for supporting healthy marriages and healthier gender relations on campus.  Educating students on the unifying and creative nature of sex and the benefits of natural family planning (NFP) will orient students toward relationships that honor the dignity of men and women and are open to life.  The Gender Relations Center can and should sponsor events to clearly lay out for students what the Church teaches and why.  Likewise, approaching sex and NFP from a scientific perspective as well as a theological one provides hard evidence in support of Church teaching that will resonate with students’ reason and faith.

It is time for the university to assume leadership and begin guiding students discerning marriage and parenthood.  This year’s Forum reinforces the fact that Notre Dame desperately needs to reassess its priorities, and it can become a platform for the university to address the need for intervention in students’ holistic development.  The majority of Notre Dame students will find themselves trying to responsibly balance work and family life in the future.  Notre Dame women especially need role models in both the professional sphere and the domestic sphere.  By nurturing a culture of marriage in the midst of the pervasive culture of careerism, students will leave Notre Dame with a richer understanding of their most important jobs.

Lilia Draime is a junior history major with minors in constitutional studies and philosophy, religion, and literature.  She cannot contain her excitement about fall, as sweater weather is better weather.  Contact her at ldraime@nd.edu.