In an attempt to keep up with the demands of an increasingly politically correct culture, Notre Dame administrators have decided to start referring to students as “Chromosomatically Undeveloped Individuals of Academic Persuasion.”

While this phrase may appear unwieldy and difficult to use in common parlance, administrators insist it will alleviate situations in which the term “student” is used as a micro-aggression against people who do not necessarily identify with the term.

“This new phrase,” says administrator D. E. Neil, “will respect the spectrum of individuals who feel constrained by the stereotypical word ‘student.’ In many ways, our new phrase does not go far enough to allow individuals to express their uniqueness in academic pursuits. We hope to develop, within the next year if possible, at least 22 new phrases that individuals can choose from to describe their unique status.”
Campus officials have reportedly requested $15 million in grants to develop their proposal.