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Jenkins formally announces spirit animal: “like, a wealthy frog”



 

In his Junior Parents Weekend address on February 16, Notre Dame President and local bad boy Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C., definitively put to rest pointed rumors he has been facing over the past several months.

“Notre Dame is an institution guided by Grace and meant to—arg, I just forget what I was saying. I’m such a forgetful toad!”

Sensing confusion from his audience of Notre Dame Juniors, parents, and alumni, Jenkins was quick to clarify his previous statement.

“In all aspects except physical, I am a frog,” said Jenkins. “I like water, I love to wear top hats, and I just adore scrambled eggs, like any good frog would.”

Jenkins, himself a graduate of the University, has not taken a biology class in more than twenty years.

“Sometimes I wish I could just go to rest on a lovely little lily pad in these stressful times,” Jenkins dreamily continued. “You know what they say: ‘A frog has no worries!’”

Later in the night, Jenkins would go on to assure the Notre Dame Juniors that if he had to take three books to a desert island, they would definitely be Plato’s Apology and two copies of the Bible.

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