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Hap Burke

Staff Writer
Humor
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

Taco Bell announces new slogan: “Nobody has ever died after eating Taco Bell”

CEO Brian Niccol made on Tuesday the latest announcement in a rebranding campaign

Humor
March 22, 2019 | Hap Burke

Affleck-Graves post-Notre Dame plans: “Time to get serious with close-up magic”

“And when you live in a magical place like South Bend? Inspiration is everywhere!” Affleck-Graves shared.

Notre Dame student pleasantly surprised to discover Notre Dame has a damn symphony
Humor
March 22, 2019 | Hap Burke

Notre Dame student pleasantly surprised to discover Notre Dame has a damn symphony

“I love the classics!” he said.

Uncategorized
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

Jenkins formally announces spirit animal: “like, a wealthy frog”

  In his Junior Parents Weekend address on February 16, Notre Dame President and local bad boy Fr. John Jenkins, […]

Humor
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

Freshman lost in woods north of campus; returned to his people by anthropomorphic mammoth

No further details were shared with the Rover

Humor
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

IDEA Week mantra announced: “Money, money, money, money, money”

How to live the vow of poverty in the 21st century

Humor
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

Aspiring senior Criminal Justice Studies major still unwittingly attending Notre Dame College in Euclid, Ohio

She accidentally and unknowingly took a right on I-90 instead of a left

Humor
March 1, 2019 | Hap Burke

Amazon HQ won’t move into South Bend, Notre Dame to construct 1.5 million square foot office complex “just in case”

The University has already begun construction on three 50-story office buildings

Humor
February 13, 2019 | Hap Burke

Notre Dame to install velvet curtains in front of 2018 Cotton Bowl game

Father Jenkins calls for the Cotton Bowl to be forgotten President Rev. John Jenkins, C.S.C., announced via email on Thursday […]

Humor
November 30, 2018 | Hap Burke

Football team looking for “new, exciting crimes to get our wins revoked”

“We’ve tried academic violations before,” said Kelly. “We cheated on a few tests–who cares? It’s boring stuff, and I firmly believe that my boys can do better. I mean, after all, we’re undefeated in football. Why can’t we be undefeated in crime?”

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