“As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the whole world in which we live.” – Pope Saint John Paul II
What does “success” mean to the University of Notre Dame?
For the College of Arts & Letters, it means focusing on a career and leaving family life by the wayside. On their “Alumni Outcomes” page, the college proudly declares, “Arts & Letters students are successful. Right away.” Why? Because 97 percent of graduates “land full-time jobs, enroll in graduate school, enter service programs, join the military, or launch independent projects within six months of graduation.”
Results for each major share similar lists. Possible pathways after graduation include full-time jobs, graduate schools, service programs, the military, and “other outcomes.” Marriage and family life (nevermind the religious life) is also excluded here: “Other outcomes” are listed in fine print as internships, research, volunteering, or freelance work.
Nowhere is mentioned marriage, parenthood, or the choice to be a stay-at-home mom.
The university elevates careers as the paramount option for life after graduation, and in doing so, neglects the most important option of all: parenthood. As a result, many female students feel pressure to pursue professional occupations earlier at the expense of a commitment to motherhood. They are told they can “have it all,” and should thus prioritize their professional aspirations before considering motherhood. Why be “just a mom” when you can be a mom and a consultant or lawyer or doctor or any one of a million possibilities?
My mom left a job at the White House to raise me and my siblings. When I was young, I often criticized her decision in my mind. I didn’t understand why she abandoned an influential career to be “just a mom.” Influenced by a culture that promotes professional choices over motherhood, I dreamt of life as a strong, independent woman working to change the world. How could any woman confine herself to the home when there were so many opportunities to do exciting things in the worlds of law, politics, or business?
Even as I grew older, I continued to question my mother’s path. While I appreciated the impact that she had on our family, I could not understand why she prioritized motherhood over abundant career opportunities. My mom was well-educated, smart, and a naturally gifted leader. Why would she not share her talents elsewhere and divide her time between a career and her children?
As my mom will tell anyone, she always desired both motherhood and a career. She got married at 25 and had her first child one year later while still working full-time. After several months, she realized that she needed to take a step back from work in order to properly raise and educate her children.
Earlier than many, my mother realized the truth that Notre Dame neglects: You can’t have it all. To be successful in a career demands significant time and attention, and success in motherhood requires at least as much. Every woman should carefully consider what God is calling her to, whether it be family, single life, or religious life. But there can be no delusion about what the vocation to family life truly means.
The Catholic Church is clear: If you are a parent, your family takes precedence over your job. The family is the most fundamental and important unit in society, intimately connected to the existence of every individual. As Pope Saint John Paul II writes in Laborem Exercens, work must be shaped by the consideration of the family and oriented towards the formation of family life.
Motherhood is not merely a supplement to a career in shaping a fulfilling life. Rather, a career may supplement motherhood. Motherhood is a vocation, in the fullest sense of the word; it is a calling to something bigger than yourself. A career is a means to pursue this calling.
For fathers, this means providing for the material needs of their family while participating in the education of their children. For mothers, this means embracing their maternal nature and acting as their children’s primary caregivers and educators. Both must always keep their family at the center of their actions while respecting their natural strengths as men and women.
Although the roles of men and women in families are different, they are equal in importance. In Familiaris Consortio, John Paul II states clearly, “The work of women in the home [should] be recognized and respected by all in its irreplaceable value. … Furthermore, the mentality which honors women more for their work outside the home than for their work within the family must be overcome. This requires that men should truly esteem and love women with total respect for their personal dignity, and that society should create and develop conditions favoring work in the home.”
The mentality that prizes career over motherhood must be overcome, not only in the working world, but in the university. College education is meant to form individuals, not merely employees—it is intended to shape future fathers and mothers, rather than simply preparing future bankers, doctors, or politicians. Even Notre Dame recognizes this in the university Mission statement, which promises to develop its students in “mind, body, and spirit.” Such education is equally, if not more valuable for those called to be stay-at-home moms as those with full-time jobs. Motherhood requires radical self-sacrifice, a strong work ethic, and critical thinking in ways that no job ever could.
Motherhood is the fulfillment of femininity. As summarized by Saint Teresa of Calcutta, “That special power of loving that belongs to a woman is seen most clearly when she becomes a mother.” To say that education is less valuable for those called to motherhood is to devalue women at their core.
In neglecting to include motherhood in definitions of “success,” Notre Dame does her female students a disservice. Students should be encouraged to consider motherhood as they look to life after graduation. At the very least, stay-at-home mothers should be recognized as part of the community of Notre Dame alumni.
None of us has infinite time. Every adult must make judgments about how to spend their life; every graduate must order their actions in pursuit of what is most important. If, as the Catechism states, the family is the “original cell of social life,” it is obvious that the family is the highest good for those called to parenthood. If you are called to motherhood, you are therefore called to prioritize your role as a mother above all others. A commitment to motherhood should inform decisions in every facet of your life, from career choice to biological decisions about when to have children.
Neither men nor women can “have it all.” The path to motherhood (and indeed fatherhood) is paved with sacrifices, hard work, and the radical gift of self to your children. Because of this, women who follow God’s call to become mothers should be praised all the more. To be “just a mom” is more than to be “just a lawyer” or “just a doctor”—it is to bravely follow in the footsteps of Notre Dame, our mother, in sacrificing yourself for your family.
Haley Garecht is a senior studying political science, constitutional studies, and Irish studies. If you couldn’t tell, she is a big fan of her mom. Please send any questions or comments to hgarecht@nd.edu.
Photo Credit: Edited by the Irish Rover
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