In rural Portugal, over a century ago, nearly 100,000 onlookers witnessed what has become known as the “Miracle of the Sun.” At the instruction of three young shepherd children who claimed to have been visited by a woman from Heaven, devout believers and skeptics alike looked upward on October 13, 1917 and observed the sun dancing in the sky, moving in winding motions and emitting bright lights. It is even said to have plunged toward the Earth, causing many to fear the world was ending, only to return to its normal position. As Catholics believe, this miracle confirms the authenticity of Our Lady of Fatima, who delivered messages of prayer, conversion, and penance for a world steeped in sin.
Perhaps most alarming was Our Lady’s warning in her apparition to the children earlier that year. According to St. Lucia—the eldest of the three children—the Virgin showed them a vision of a sea of fire filled with souls shrieking and groaning in despair. Our Lady is reported to have said more souls will end up in hell for sins against the flesh than any other type of sin. In other words, lust, or sexual sins, will be the most damning. Unnerving as this may be, it is not particularly shocking.
Over 100 years later, we find ourselves immersed in a culture of personal indulgence, which is perhaps most obvious among young men. Today, the vast majority of men are no strangers to hardcore pornography. According to the Journal of Sex Research, 91 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 73 have let pornography become a regular habit in their lives. With a quick Google search, any teenage boy with an iPhone can view more sex in an hour than any of the most powerful, socially elite men living prior to the internet could have experienced in a lifetime.
Before the explosion of the internet, yet decades following the Miracles of the Sun, St. Lucia remarked, “The final battle between the Lord and the Kingdom of Satan will be over marriage and the family.” Even if you think the story of Our Lady of Fatima—and perhaps even Christianity more broadly—is all nonsense, you likely feel there is something eerie about the culture of rampant pornography we have adopted. Given this state of degeneracy, I would not blame you for thinking the Lord has lost the battle for marriage and family. However, I wouldn’t be writing this article if all hope were lost. So, how can we move the needle in this so-called final battle?
Well, if you’re a Notre Dame student, there is a good chance you’ve seen a representative from EthosND deliver a post-Mass announcement informing everyone of our organization for men struggling with lust. As you may have heard, Ethos is a small-group based band of young men who meet regularly to discuss and overcome sexual sin. Based on conversations I’ve had, there’s a good chance you thought it sounded interesting but also a little odd.
As vice president of this compelling but “odd” organization, I am preparing to pass on the reins after graduation and have been reflecting on what we stand for in our fight against licentiousness. Ethos, if done well, does not merely seek to help guys avoid specific vices. Rather, through brotherhood, we strive to forge a positive vision of proper sexual integration, helping young men order their desires toward something genuinely healthy.
Sadly, popular culture has lost the language to speak about sex in a way that reveals the full dignity of the human person. Rather than asking, ‘Is this activity loving?’, we frequently just ask, ‘Is it legal?’
Unfortunately, instead of positing an attractive alternative, Christian circles usually describe sexual morality merely as a list of what not to do. Rarely is it discussed how beautiful the fact is that we, through our bodies, can serve as co-creators of new life alongside God. Contrary to animals, who act purely on instinct, we humans can freely choose to make this gift of ourselves. With no real understanding of why Christians teach what they do regarding sex, many people reflexively dismiss their notions as antiquated, prudish, or anti-fun.
Nevertheless, most guys continue to feel a deep, nagging shame for their actions. Even if they can’t articulate the reason for their guilt, they conceal their habits from family and friends. Oddly, even though most wrestle with lust, we are often afraid of being exposed, outwardly presenting as put-together when in private, we struggle greatly. Tragically, most men dare not seek help, and over time, their hope of one day quitting slips away. In the darkness of this shame, Ethos strives to bring light.
We firmly believe most young men ought not hide their shortcomings out of fear of being seen. The ethos of Ethos is not to further shame people for their actions nor is it to just help them avoid sin. Rather, we seek to foster a culture of confession and affirmation, one in which we see the dignity of all. St. Pope John Paul II described chastity this way, labeling it a quickness to affirm the dignity of another person.
Most of us college men are not yet husbands or fathers, but this does not preclude us from purity appropriate to our stage in life. Through non-romantic, brotherly love, we can choose to offer ourselves as a gift. The routine functions of Ethos members, if done with heart and intentionality, can serve as this offering. Through daily phone calls and weekly group discussions, members choose to see one another for who they really are: fellow human beings undergoing real, difficult struggles but clinging to hope nonetheless. In building virtue communally, rather than individually, we can rise together when we fall.
As Mother Teresa said beautifully, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” If we expect to eliminate lust—or even pornography—from the face of the Earth, we might as well give up. However, just because we cannot accomplish this great task does not mean we should not strive, with great love, to benefit each soul who joins our humble organization. In the end, if—after thousands of phone calls, conversations, readings and reflections, recruitment efforts, events, and even awkward public announcements—just one young man manages to find freedom for genuine, chaste love, the entire fight will have been worth it. After all, there are few things more liberating than recognizing the dignity of the human body.
Beyond personal growth, the most rewarding part of my Ethos journey over the last two years has been seeing close friends accept God’s dignified plan for sexuality, stumble along the way, receive the support they need, and continue to strive for greater virtue.
Winning the “final battle” for marriage and family begins one uncomfortable conversation at a time. By introducing people to the alternative to lust and accompanying them as they uncover the love for which they are made, we can play a small yet incredibly powerful role quelling shame and bringing hope. Though the battle for chastity is uphill, I have faith that with enthusiastic and disciplined leadership, Ethos can help prevent souls from falling into the hell Our Lady of Fatima warned. More importantly than avoiding damnation—which alone can feel somewhat bleak—we aim to create a culture in which all people are free to live according to our dignified human nature. As is evident by our bodies, we are called to love and receive love from others, viewing ourselves and those around us as gifts made in the image and likeness of God.
Thank you for reading. Please pray for us. We will pray for you as well.
Kevin Sadler is the vice president of EthosND. He majors in Accounting with minors in Finance, Theology and Business and the Common Good. He can be reached at ksadler@nd.edu.