Lilia Draime, Executive Editor


Professor Phillip Muñoz kicked off this year’s “Professors for Lunch” lecture series, sponsored by the Tocqueville Program and organized by senior Elizabeth Argue, with a panel titled “Can Notre Dame Women Have It All? Career, Family, and the Pursuit of Post-graduation Happiness.”

The panel featured three very successful local women with very different conceptions of “having it all”:  local homeschooling mother and activist Mary O’Callaghan, political science professor Susan Pratt Rosato, and women’s basketball coach Muffet McGraw.  They each relayed their journeys of balancing marriage and motherhood with career obligations to a packed Oak Room in South Dining Hall.

O’Callaghan, a mother of five, began the discussion by pointing out that Notre Dame’s mission includes educating the heart, which extends beyond simply training students for jobs, and that the Notre Dame community has the privilege and obligation to discuss these issues through the lens of vocation.

“Being a mother resonated more deeply with me than work,” she explained of her mindset after the birth of her first child.  “The first seeds are often planted in the deepest desires of the heart, and your vocation comes from following those desires.”

McGraw told of how she always felt drawn to work, and how it ultimately benefitted her family life, especially as she and her husband raised their son.

“Women are expected to raise children, be warm and nurturing and compassionate—I’ve never been any of those things,” McGraw admitted.  “I knew I would be happier working, and that would make me a better mom.”

Rosato expressed her gratitude that her career in academia allowed her the flexibility to take time from work while her two daughters were young, and return to teaching during the school day.  For her, this discussion was not about making choices, but taking advantage of opportunities: “The question is not whether women have it all, but how women may find balance between their familial obligations and their careers.”

She cited Sheryl Sandberg’s recent controversial book Lean In, in which Sandberg argued that educated women need to be more aggressive in the workplace, and that a desire for a family will often curtail these professional ambitions.

“There is a lot of guilt on both sides: there’s guilt of women who feel their jobs take too much time from their families, and I also have friends who feel guilty about wasting money on educations when they stay at home with their children,” Rosato shared.

O’Callaghan stressed how important her education has been to her as a stay-at-home mother.  She and her husband had their first son while they were both in graduate school, and she opted to complete her graduate work in developmental psychology despite the initial pull towards full-time motherhood.

“A friend told me to consider the benefits of having my degree—if I had something to say, people would listen.  Education is not just a career path, but a gift to use in a different way than intended,” O’Callaghan reflected.  “Most moms do work outside the home, so the [education] debate is not just a black and white issue.”

Rosato enthusiastically agreed with O’Callaghan that education is never wasted and is an end in and of itself, not simply a means to an end.

Women, McGraw asserted, need to strive for confidence in their own choices, and must encourage one another: “We need to stop looking down on people’s decisions, whatever they decide.  Women don’t tell people enough what they’re good at, and we need to start looking at each other as strong and powerful women.”

Likewise, the support of husbands and fathers is crucial in the balancing act of parenting and work.  Families should function as teams, McGraw elaborated, with each participant taking on responsibilities and supporting one another.

The general consensus among the panelists was that no, women cannot have it all—or at least not all at once.  Each panelist was a very different representation of femininity and successful motherhood, but they all reaffirmed that “finding the balance” takes sacrifice, confidence and a willingness to take advantage of opportunities—and that women may find fulfillment in both motherhood and the workplace.

Lilia Draime is a junior history major with a minor in constitutional studies.  Despite sunlight and regular watering, her bamboo plant is looking pretty sickly.  Shoot her some pointers on proper bamboo care at ldraime@nd.edu.