A peek into the thoughts of a Holy Half runner

 

8:30 a.m. (30 minutes to race start): Oh no! The race starts in half an hour! What should I do? Maybe I can say I am sick and just stay in bed—there has been that virus going around … No, come on! You trained three times last week for this event, and besides, last night you told Bill to “Eat my dust!” so now you have to go.

8:45 a.m. (15 minutes to race start): Food, food, I need food. Food is fuel, right? Can’t start a car without gas! But what to have? Protein, that what I need. Bacon is protein, so it must be good to have. Bananas, too, lots of bananas. Doesn’t everyone say bananas are the best way to stop cramps? No time for those lines; better just grab a donut.

8:55 a.m. (5 minutes to race start): Why did I eat so much junk? I feel like I am going to throw up. Everyone here looks so fit and ready. I just need to pick a group and stay at its pace, and hopefully I can get at least a respectable time.

9:20 a.m. (20 minutes into race): Ok, not too bad. I’m not in the front but I’m not in the back either. My pace feels all right. Maybe this run won’t be too bad after all.

9:40 a.m. (40 minutes into race): Someone please help me! I feel like I am dying! My sides are on fire, I can’t feel my legs, and my head is throbbing. I need a break. Wait, I have an idea. I can pretend that my shoelace is coming untied! That’s brilliant. Can’t run a race with an untied shoe, right? Safety first.

10:00 a.m. (1 hour into race): I have been pretending to tie my shoe for 20 minutes now. Whenever a new group comes around the bend, I go back down on one knee so it looks like I just started tying. But I have to keep going soon or my buddies will make much fun of me later.

10:30 a.m. (1.5 hours into race): Come on, come on, I can do it! Just think about Rocky Balboa! Did he give up? No! Neither should I!

10:45 a.m. (1.75 hours into race): Rocky was a liar. There is no way anyone should ever do this. Even his looping his inspirational music in my mind can’t get me through this run.

11:10 a.m. (over 2 hours into race): Wait, is that the finish line I see? Yes, it is! Oh, thank the Lord, because I could not go another step. But I have to finish strong. I know, let’s sprint it to the end. Wait … I think my shoe lace is actually coming untied! Oh, the cruel irony!

11:30 a.m. (talking to friends): That race was too easy. I barely even felt it. Let’s go grab some snacks, I didn’t even eat breakfast.

 

Declan Feeley is a freshman theology and finance double major whose interests include writing and investment theory. Declan can be contacted by email at dfeeley@nd.edu.