As I sat confused and panicked across from a Holy Cross priest, he asked me: “Why not you?”  My shoulders tensed and my thoughts began to race to find an answer.  In truth, to find a valid excuse.  However, the only one I came up with was, “I don’t want to be a Sister.  It’s not for me.”  I had my plans.  I gave up engineering after feeling called to study theology and philosophy and eventually become a professor.  This is what I thought God was calling me to do.  Wasn’t that enough?  Why did it seem like God always wanted more?  Couldn’t He leave anything to me?

Then, the priest said, “Do you realize how silly you sound?” peaking my attention and stubbornness, “Saying, ‘I can’t become a Sister because I want to be a professor,’ is like saying, ‘I would rather work for Ford than marry my beloved.’  You are asking two different questions.  It is never wise to equate a career or plans with your vocation.”  I sat there stunned for a moment before I started crying.  I did not know why at the time, but I do now: Deep inside, I knew he was right.  Yet, I brushed it off for 10 more months of vocational stress and lack of peace while I thought of all the things I would have to give up if God really was calling me to be a religious Sister.

I think many people called to religious life have a similar experience.  We, as Catholics, often focus on religious life as ‘giving up’ so many good things.  And in some ways, it is.  It is a rejection of the many to live for the One.  But do we stop to think about how amazing it is to live solely for the One who created the entire universe and yet loves each one of us uniquely?  Why do we often doubt His ability to provide for us and to make us happy?

The key turning point for me was stabilizing my prayer life.  For almost a year, my prayer consisted of flying through a scripture passage, slamming my bible shut, and all but running out of the chapel before God could get a chance to speak to my heart.  Why?  I was afraid of what He might say.  I did not want God to have a chance to tell me His will because I had a suspicion from the little bit of speaking He did manage to get in that I did not want to hear anything about my vocation.  The sense of being ‘called’ that had struck my heart while studying for my Foundations of Theology course was already too much for me to honestly ignore.  God became a not-so-secret admirer who kept sending flowers I did not want.

Yet, once I began to pray to trust Him the trust came and once the trust came the Lord gently began revealing to me the beauty of religious life.  As I grew in my trust in the Lord and love of Him one morning while praying I suddenly had a desire to open up my journal and write, “I want to be a Dominican.”  I stared at my words in disbelief for a moment, before saying aloud, “Yes.  I do!”  The tension in my shoulders released and my smile could not contain my joy.  Now, I delight daily in all the bouquets of flowers the Lord sends my way.

The key to discerning a religious vocation is not to look at it as a life of losing so many worldly things, but rather the natural response of one who finds the pearl of great price and sells all else to gain it.  That which one gives up for religious life is only done in pursuit of an intimate relationship with the beloved: a supernatural realization of “and the two shall become one.”  What a marvelous love story.

St. John XXIII said, “True peace is born of doing the will of God, and bearing with patience the sufferings of this life, and does not come from following one’s own whim or selfish desire, for this always brings, not peace and serenity, but disorder and discontent.”  I personally know this to be true.  Now that I have found my vocation there is no other way that I would rather love God and serve Him than through becoming His spouse.  Christ has captivated my heart and filled it entirely.  I now experience a deep, abiding joy and peace that I could not have dreamed was even possible when I was trying to run.

So, I ask you, where is God calling you to find your peace and joy?  Have you ever thought about religious life?  Why not you?

 

Christina Serena is a senior who loves talking about the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, and all forms of religious life.  She can be contacted at cserena@nd.edu.