Students, teachers and other rational human beings expressed their shock this week as the new 2-Step Sakai verification process went into full effect. This process, which requires students to verify their identity by both computer and cell phone, baffled many individuals. Sophomore Wally Wackamole commented on the process, stating, “Why do we need this NASA level of security? Who out there is really scheming to steal my Accounting 101 notes?” Other students voiced their surprise that of all the issues facing the ND community, focusing on the problem of hackers searching to pilfer precious stores of English Lit vocab lists and Medieval History Timeline notes seemed a little excessive. “Oh well,” said Sally Seashell, “at least I now have one more reason not to do my homework—it’s so tedious to even log on, so why even bother?” When asked for a comment, administration officials replied that they were too busy to respond, as they were far too occupied with a new program to replace all of the campus locks with thumbprint, retinal, and voice scans.

Al Mighty is the Rover’s strongest sustainability reporter.