Stories of Discernment Series

Many Holy Cross religious have a particular line (or many for that matter) from our Constitutionsthe document that guides the life of each Holy Cross priest or brotherthat speaks to them about some aspect of their life. When I reflect on my path of discernment, one of those lines comes from the first constitution: “God’s Call.” It says, “It was a call that came to us from without, but also one that arose up within us, as from His Spirit.” God’s call has at times been explicit, yet at others it has been more interior, with God drawing me along.

Growing up in Houston, I attended St. Thomas More Grade School where our pastor, Fr. Bill Young, would regularly preach about vocations at the weekly all-school Mass. By the seventh grade, I had begun to ask myself this question: “God, are you calling me to be your priest?” I listened for an answer almost like I was listening for God’s marching orders. After hearing the vocation story of a Jesuit novice who visited my high school and watching the Fishers of Men video, which encourages men to consider a vocation to the priesthood, I finally decided that I would stop straddling the fence. I searched for a place where I could discern further a vocation to the religious life and priesthood, and God led me to the Old College program here on campus.

During this time, I learned to listen to this call to the priesthood more deeply. Old College gave me the tools of a structured formation program: common prayer, common life, spiritual direction, formation conferences, house obediences (similar to chores), and explicit time for pastoral ministry. I learned more about how to pray, and I met other men who had similar questions about discernment. These tools were slowly training me to listen well to how God was calling me.

During our novitiate in Colorado, our novice master, Fr. Ken Molinaro, CSC, often preached very spiritually enlightening homilies, frequently retelling stories from the desert fathers. One day, while preaching to us on Luke 8:18, he said a line that has stayed with me ever since: “Be careful how you listen.” A spiritual man, he was inviting us to sit quietly and listen to the movements of the Spirit. How was God drawing us toward Him? How do we discern the voice of God from the other voices that we hear? We can often want to impress others, or become successful, or fulfill the dreams that our parents or society may have for us. However, we also want to place our gifts and talents in the hands of God, as we can best love through being the person God has created us to be. The hours that we spent together each day in the chapel in silent prayer, despite the many distractions of our life, were essential for me in hearing God’s call. Daily, silent prayer is a habit I strive to maintain in my life as a means to continue listening for God.

These past few years in temporary vows have shown me that discerning a vocation takes effort and time, just as dating would. Learning to listen to others and to God can feel different as they become more familiar. At this point, discernment has evolved from discerning a life to discerning how to live this life well. It has meant reflecting on experiences of prayer, ministry, or community that have gone well or not well and asking myself, “What happened?” The daily prayer and frequent discussions with others will lead me to shape my life in a way that will make me more disposed to respond to God’s call when I rise each morning. Discernment, I expect, will never end because it is learning to listen to how God is drawing me toward him.

What advice would I give to those considering a vocation? We all feel drawn toward God because he calls each one of us closer to Himself. The “How?” is where we often become stuck. Talking about a vocation with close friends, a rector, or a priest is a helpful step forward because it forces us to listen to ourselves and because others see gifts or traits in us that we do not necessarily see ourselves (or, for folks looking at or preparing for marriage, talking with trusted married couples is important). Also, learning to sit quietly in prayer, either in a chapel, before the Blessed Sacrament, or walking in a quiet place on campus can give us the space to listen to God and hear the quiet whisper of God about which the Prophet Elijah speaks. We need to listen both to people outside of ourselves and to God moving within us. As the first Constitution of the Congregation of Holy Cross says, “It was a call that came to us from without, but also one that arose up within us, as from His Spirit.”

Bryan Williams, CSC, is a fourth year temporarily professed seminarian with the Congregation of Holy Cross. He is currently serving as the Assistant Rector of Old College Undergraduate Seminary. For questions regarding vocational discernment, you can reach him at Bryan.A.Williams.458@nd.edu.