John Cochran, Humor Guru

Cheers

Easter – Last Sunday we celebrated the Resurrection of Christ. Not much else to say, other than a big shout out to the Folk Choir during the student Mass.

Major League Baseball – Last weekend (Easter weekend) coincided with MLB’s opening day, where my Houston Astros decided to celebrate April Fools a day early by actually winning a baseball game!

Notre Dame Women’s Basketball – With the juggernaut that was Brittany Griner and Baylor felled, the path is clear for an Irish appearance in the national championship game, provided they can beat UConn for the fourth time this season.

Jeers

The Department of Homeland Security – Recall our last issue, when I cheered Rand Paul’s filibuster that drew attention to the DHS’ massive ammunition purchase as well as newly commissioned drones. Don your tinfoil hats with me again, if you will, and ponder why the DHS has ordered 360,000 more hollow-point rounds. The official explanation concerns cost effectiveness and training purposes. Just to be clear, hollow-points are both more expensive than regular rounds and are uniquely designed to increase tissue damage.

French “supertax” – The lamentations of French football fans can be heard worldwide as PM Francois Hollande pushes for a whopping 75 percent tax on salaries exceeding 1 million euro—a tax that may force star footballers out of the country.

Kim Jong Un – The unfailingly charming, impossibly stylish, glorious leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has vowed to punish violently even the “slightest movement” of his American enemies in the Pacific. Imagine your seven-year-old self pretending to be a crazy villain, except he’s 30 years old, the supreme leader of a country of nearly 25 million people, and has access to nuclear weapons. What could go wrong?