After witnessing the incredible resurrection and ascension of the Notre Dame Men’s Basketball team in this year’s March Madness tournament, the university president had a revelation: We are, in fact, a basketball school. He immediately began making plans to relocate the Campus Crossroads project to the Joyce Athletics and Convocation Center, home of Fighting Irish basketball.
The project will bring together academics, athletics, and student life in an unprecedented manner. The Economics and Program of Liberal Studies Departments have been arbitrarily chosen to represent academics by relocating their offices and classrooms to the east side of the JACC—until the project is complete, they will hold classes in the bleachers of the fencing arena.
The west side will house a comprehensive new student center, including lounges, some treadmills, and campus’ third Au Bon Pain restaurant. Additionally, a new theater will be built overlooking Purcell Pavilion so that no one will ever have to choose between the fine arts and basketball.
The project will take three to 20 years, will cost the equivalent of the current student body’s cumulative tuition money, will close all roads running through and around campus, and will force parking to lots south of Eddy Street Commons. Anything and everything will be done to further integrate basketball into every student’s life, because that, as we know, is the mission of the university.
Meadow Jackson is a sophomore political science major who hopes to continue her education at Notre Dame even after the publication of this article. If you have comments or suggestions, she can, as always, be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.