Upsetting UNC. Recently, an unranked Notre Dame men’s basketball team beat No. 2 UNC, 80-76. Trailing closely behind me actually getting out of bed for my 8 a.m. class, the basketball game was the second most surprising athletic achievement of the week.

Ramen Noodles. I am seriously considering naming my firstborn child ‘Ramen Noodles’ in gratitude to the pure gift that is those processed, rubbery noodles and strange yellowish liquid that have kept me nourished, if not on the verge of urinary tract infection, throughout my college years.

The Decision to Maybe Eat Less Ramen Noodles in the Future. Reading over that last Cheer was a come-to-Jesus moment for me. I deserve better.


Peers and sneers. I never got the memo, but apparently, as good of an idea as it might seem, wearing your “I HEART THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE” t-shirt non-ironically on the first day of class is not a good way to make new friends in college.

Beers and shears. A few too many of each and that’s just a dangerous situation.

Running out of plausible rhymes for your beloved and highly esteemed campus publication. Sorry guys.

Michael Infantine looks forward to graduation, when he will spend his copious amounts of free time frolicking in meadows with baby goats. Send your well-wishes to