8:45 a.m. Second alarm rings. It’s okay, I washed my hair yesterday. I can sleep a little more. Snooze.

9:00 a.m. Third alarm rings. Deep internal struggle. Do I really have to go to class? You know, college isn’t just about grades. I bet I could just sleep through this class and be fine. Look at Bill Gates! He dropped out, after all. In a lot of ways, not going to class makes me more like Bill Gates. If I ever want to be successful, I should sleep in!

9:05 a.m. Get up. Weight of student loans overpowers desire to stay in bed. Cry softly.

9:30 a.m. First class. Something about how financial markets are always correct, except when they aren’t, in which case ignore everything you have ever learned.

10:45 a.m. A 15-minute break which gives me absolutely no time to do anything whatsoever.

11:00 a.m. Literature class. Not bad. Scroll Instagram throughout.

12:15 a.m. Finally, my first real break. Time to make up all that homework that I couldn’t do last night because 30 Rock reruns were on, and I just couldn’t say no to one more episode…or six.

1:30 p.m. Lunchtime! In-depth psychological struggle over whether or not to have dessert. Decide that eating doughnut > being healthy and successful.

2:00 p.m. Workout at the Rockne. Stare in amazement at the fact that other people are actually able to lift dumbbells larger than their heads. Resolve to lift weights more often, then realize that effort is far too difficult. Decide instead to eat less. This resolution will last until dinner time.

3:15 p.m. Last class of the day. Philosophy class you should have taken freshman year. Would actually be a great class if you could pronounce any of the philosophers’ names. Instead, hide in the back of class and don’t participate.

4:30 p.m. Get invited to play basketball with your friends. Become very excited, until you remember the last time you played was in middle school. And your mandatory trophy was for “Best Effort.”
5:00-11:30 p.m. Procrastinate, while the impending doom of all of your work hangs over you.

11:30 p.m.-3:00 a.m Attempt to do all of your homework…badly. Repeat schedule ad infinitum.

Declan Feeley is a senior theology and finance double major whose interests include writing and investment theory. Declan can be contacted by email at dfeeley@nd.edu.