The new video board in Notre Dame Stadium has been quite the hot button issue over the past few weeks, and no one was surprised that it stirred up plenty of vitriol amongst old, traditionalist Notre Dame Alumni. What no one expected, however, was for current Notre Dame students to also convey contempt for the newest addition to the football experience. Apparently, over the course of the past two home games, what started as a shiny new toy has devolved into a giant, pixelated nuisance.
“It’s a conspiracy,” one Notre Dame senior assured our reporters. “The administration and the stadium staff are in cahoots! The ushers look for flasks on the big screen, and then they come hunt us down in the student section. I got kicked out of both games!” When asked about how obviously belligerent he’d been prior to his ejections from the stadium, the senior declined to comment.
Some have found that the screen instigates conflict. “My best friend and I are in a huge fight now because she hogged all the screen time when the cameraman came to our section,” a sophomore divulged. “She wasn’t even wearing her ND face tat! I was totally more prepared than she was to be the face of Fighting Irish football. I definitely blame Notre Dame for jeopardizing our friendship.” We followed up with this source and found out that she and her friend have since reconciled and purchased matching sets of face tattoos. They plan to split screen time equally from here on out.
For others, the video board simply distracts from some of the time-honored traditions typically enjoyed by Notre Dame fans. “I just want to stand next to my crush and have an excuse to talk to him,” one distressed student explained. “I can’t say my usual ‘What just happened, I missed the play’ because of this stupid instant replay. Now if I ask, he just points to the screen and ignores me. It’s the worst.” When asked if she had considered simply asking her crush out on a date, the young woman simply stared at the reporter, aghast.
One young Notre Dame freshman took issue with the quality of the technology. “There was this ugly red glare on the screen,” he complained after the Georgia Bulldogs handed Notre Dame a heartbreaking loss. “It didn’t go away for the entire game. So distracting!”
Rover reporters will continue to cover this controversy as it unfolds.
Lacey Silvestri is a senior English and history major who probably would have sold her Georgia ticket for $1000, too. Chastise her at firstname.lastname@example.org.