In an effort to revitalize sales, last Saturday the Hammes Bookstore released a premium chocolate bar poised to retail at a price of $100.

“We noticed that students don’t spend quite nearly as much money here as we’d like,” said Beverly Pimberson, head of sales, at a conference hours before the Vanderbilt game. “Kids like chocolate. What better way to appeal to students than to sell them a dumb bar of chocolate?”

Sales to student accounts at the bookstore have declined in recent years, largely due to the rise of online mega-retailers such as Amazon.

“I’ll admit, we’ve been struggling to capture student interest,” said Pimberson. “We tried to sell an eight dollar bar of chocolate, but it just wasn’t working.”

Pimberson accounted the nearly 1300% increase in price to “costs and– stuff,” but she is certain the higher price tag will not drastically affect sales in any way.

“Look, we’ve been in the bookstore business longer than you’ve been alive, probably,” Pimberson said. “We’re filling a demand. It’s simple economics.”

The new chocolate bar is a part of the brand-new Sorin Signature Select line, a group of products tailored towards millenials and inspired by the “mission of the Holy Cross priest who founded this great University.”  

“When Sorin said ‘mind, heart, zeal, family, and hope,’ we heard ‘chocolate bar, ill-proportioned leprechaun doll, oversaturated picture of the Grotto, and green XXXL t-shirt that says ‘In dog beers, I’ve only had one,’” said Pimberson.

“The t-shirt is $80,” she added.

The Hammes bookstore has not sold any Sorin Signature Select chocolate bars yet, but Pimberson is optimistic.

“Chocolate goes great with coffee,” said Pimberson. “I hear they have a great $6 cup at that new place in the Duncan Student Center.”