Jenkins on the new football practice building: “We don’t know how it got there, either.”
Visitors to the east side of Notre Dame’s ever-expanding campus have been reporting the discovery of a grey, tin-roofed building, springing out of what most people remember as a field, or a parking lot, or something.
This discovery, quickly becoming well-known around campus, possibly because it is roughly thrice the height of any building remotely close to it, has been rumored to be a new football practice building. This rumor, however, has been controversial, given a recent press release from university president John I. Jenkins, C.S.C. in which he stated that “we don’t know how it got there either”.
“This structure is, to be honest, sort of a surprise to all of us,” Jenkins noted. “In fact, I only discovered its existence while gazing with binoculars out of my office under the dome.”
“We assure the Notre Dame community that, as soon as we figure out why it’s here, everybody will be promptly informed,” he continued.
“I suspect John [Affleck-Graves] might be behind it,” he later told the Rover in an impromptu interview, “but since he just retired back to Australia, I have no actual way of confirming this information”.
At press time, it is being reported that the building is a donation from the Walshfamily family, three members of which are alumni of the school. “Yes, I believe it was them who generously made the donation,” an anonymous member of the administration confirmed, “and since nobody needed it, and no students were asking for it, it was, of course, an absolute necessity.”
James Rahner has some slightly more nuanced views about football than he did a couple years ago. To discuss them with him, you can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.