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Taco Bell announces new slogan: “Nobody has ever died after eating Taco Bell”

CEO Brian Niccol made on Tuesday the latest announcement in a rebranding campaign

IDEA Week mantra announced: “Money, money, money, money, money”

How to live the vow of poverty in the 21st century

Football team looking for “new, exciting crimes to get our wins revoked”

“We’ve tried academic violations before,” said Kelly. “We cheated on a few tests–who cares? It’s boring stuff, and I firmly believe that my boys can do better. I mean, after all, we’re undefeated in football. Why can’t we be undefeated in crime?”

Notre Dame head groundskeeper to resign over allegations of fall foliage color enhancements

In a shocking statement released late Friday afternoon, Nathan Bailey, Head Groundskeeper at the University of Notre Dame, admitted to overseeing the covert transplanting and/or spray-painting of thousands of trees on campus.

NASA’s Insight Mars Explorer lands safely in Hollywood basement

Thanks to Hollywood film nerds, ever-willing to fake scientific progress with a camcorder and a little imagination, NASA has once again exploited the dreams of every young astronaut while simultaneously contributing to the nation’s debt.

Brenston’s Winter Tips

Here are some winter-y tips to get you through this season of snow and cold and presents and cold and dark and cold.

Finance major sure to get everything he wants for Christmas except authentic happiness

After spending hours reviewing good and bad deeds from the past year, toymaker and reindeer hobbyist Santa Claus determined that Notre Dame finance major Bryce Ratner was just good enough to get nearly everything on his Christmas list.