Breaking news.  For the first time in history, a construction project is ahead of schedule.  Besides being worthy of a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records, this incredible feat will allow the 2015 graduation ceremony to take place in the stadium again.

Einstein’s Bagels.  PSA: Einstein’s Bagels at the bookstore now delivers.  This is not a joke.  I repeat, this is not a joke.  You’re welcome, friends.  The only way this could possibly get better would be if they were open 24/7.

The Oscars. I would like to nominate Eddie Redmayne for literally Everything.  As in The Theory of Everything.



Squirrels. As much as I love the validation of my Disney-princess status, having a squirrel climb up my leg was a semi-traumatic experience.  For future reference, do not hold out your hand to even the cutest squirrel, because they have no respect for personal bubbles.

Blind spots.  Notre Dame’s penchant for vision-restricting, eskimo-esque hoods has begun a new phenomenon I have dubbed, “swivel head.”  It involves the movement of the entire body in order to see things out of the immediate line of sight and has recently caused several pedestrian traffic jams and accidents in the local area.

Inflation. Is anyone else’s flex-point budget being rapidly consumed by the inflated prices of ABP, Subway, and Starbuck’s?  If the real world is this expensive, I respectfully decline to join.

Meadow Jackson, Humor Apprentice, would like to know if anyone actually reads her column. If you have any comments, suggestions or you just want to prove that you’ve read this, email her at  Go ahead, make her day.