Earlier this semester, some friends and I gathered in my dorm for a girls’ night in. We decided to watch Charade, the 1963 romantic thriller starring Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. Throughout the movie, Grant’s character changes identities four times, confusing Hepburn’s character—but not preventing a romance. As I watched her croon, “I love you, Adam,” I wondered how a woman could truly love a man whose very name is constantly a question.

The more I thought about it, the more I also wondered how society, influenced by the media, perceives love and marriage. I then pondered the things that institutions like Notre Dame are doing in response to the media in order to shape our perceptions, especially in young people.

Granted, Charade is an exciting movie that makes us smile with a sigh when the two lovers solve the mystery, get engaged, and prepare to live happily ever after. Still, I would hardly consider it a how-to-find-your-husband manual. We may, of course, acknowledge this relationship as an anomaly; neither Audrey Hepburn nor Cary Grant embodies the average citizen, on or off the screen. Nevertheless, the romance they project permeates the media even today.

Such romance is often paired with intensity (who likes a boring story?) and rebellion (parents never approve of the right person), and nowadays the marriage aspect has increasingly become an afterthought, if present at all.

It would be a far-fetched hope to argue that this romantic model affects the media alone, isolated from reality. Media shapes society, and today, society’s perception of love and marriage matches what we see in pop culture. Popular opinion defines love as strong emotion that connects people—intensity—and may defy all others’ opinions—rebellion—and as an emotion it remains authentic only as long as participants’ feelings last.

This last component leads to the devaluation of commitment, as evidenced by decreasing marriage rates and widespread cohabitation, contraception, and no-fault divorce. The modern definition also rests upon individuals’ self-determined authority and desires, which allows for the removal of certain external “restraints,” such as the essential complementarity of one man and one woman.

If this is the vision of love and marriage that we wish to endorse as a path to happiness, then we should allow, promote, and practice it. But human beings consist of more than mere emotion. Therefore, this phenomenon called love—which people throughout history have pursued, experienced, and honored as an indispensable part of life—must be more than an emotion as well. Furthermore, the institutional safeguard of love, marriage, should also surpass the emotional sphere.

Saint Paul calls marriage “a great mystery,” comparing it to “Christ and the church” (Eph 5:32). Such a comparison highlights the profundity and beauty of marriage. Christ gave His life for His people, the Church, in order that she might live and lead all souls to him. The Book of Revelation describes the heavenly “wedding feast of the Lamb” (19:9), celebrating the final victory of love over sin and death.

Reflecting this model of self-gift and triumph, marriage calls husbands and wives to a joyful life by giving themselves to each other in sacrificial love. Not only does marriage foster true love between them, but it also allows them to participate in the incomprehensible wonder of God’s selfless, unconditional, and procreative love.

The unfathomable sacredness of marriage is beautiful, but it is also daunting. The majority of young people will marry, but how many of us understand and are prepared to embark upon this great mystery of love?

I would argue that precisely because it is a mystery, as St. Paul says, no one can completely comprehend or perfectly prepare for it. Due to flawed human nature, no marriage is perfect. However, we can and should study and promote the truth about marriage in order to build marriages that are as loving and joyful as possible.

As a Catholic university, Notre Dame has the opportunity—the obligation, in fact—to proclaim the Church’s wisdom about marriage in order to train young men and women to become, if they get married, generous and faithful husbands and wives. The Office of Student Affairs, Campus Ministry, and other sources offer students assistance in discerning and preparing for their calling in life, which is essential.

The university as a whole, however, sends a message about marriage that is, at best, ambiguous. Extending marriage benefits to same-sex couples, for instance, implicitly endorses the modern-day definition of love and marriage—a self-determined, emotional bond—rather than the Church’s definition, a call to sacrificial, procreative love. This vision should permeate the culture of Our Lady’s University—through administrative decisions, course instruction, and student programs.

Today, the topic of marriage can ignite heated debates and, when unpopular standpoints arise, accusations of discrimination. However, proclaiming the truth about marriage need not discriminate or infringe upon freedom. Rather, Notre Dame has the privileged ability to allow each individual to accept or reject the Church’s teaching—but this should not prevent her from presenting that teaching with clarity.

A wealth of documents from Church Fathers and bishops expounds upon this topic and can enlighten readers about the nature of marriage. Pope Saint John Paul II writes in his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, “God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being.”

As the pope indicates, marriage is a vocation—that is, a mission to grow in holiness in this world, a path of life that guides one towards God. Just as some men and women are called to give themselves completely to God in celibacy, so too are other men and women called to give themselves completely to God through the love of their spouse.

Should this not be a vital topic for Notre Dame to uphold and defend? Society rests upon the family, the family rests upon marriage, and marriage rests upon good spouses. We need young people to grow in understanding about what being a good spouse in a true marriage means, so that if they do marry, they can form loving families that build up society.

Marriage may be a controversial topic today, but it is precisely because it is controversial that society must hear the truth about it. The popular opinion of marriage is skewed and must be redirected—and institutions like Notre Dame, in communion with the Church, should be at the forefront of that redirection.

By contemplating, pursuing, and promoting the true nature of love and marriage, and by encouraging Catholic institutions such as Notre Dame to do so, we can transform our culture into one of life and love—one in which people can truly say “I love you,” and then follow through with devout, selfless, and daring hearts.

Sophia Buono is a sophomore PLS major and ESS minor. She loves to read, and she would gladly recommend several books about the topic of love and marriage, especially Genuine Friendship by Philip Halfacre. For more information or other recommendations, contact her at sbuono@nd.edu.