South Quad leads the charge
Some students say that the University of Notre Dame is in a moral decline. These same students claim to have the answer.
Their petition begins, “Residence halls have become too nice. We’re becoming soft. Renovation by renovation, we are destroying the moral character of the student body. Saint Paul said it best, ‘Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.’ Sufferings produce character. Cushy dorms do not.”
An event was held to address this issue—the Dorms Endeavoring to Cultivate Character Conference. Or simply, the DECCC. It was hosted in DeBartolo Hall, room 101.
At the DECCC, there were many dorms present from across all of campus. They included Morrissey, Lyons, Howard, Stanford, Keenan, Farley, and most of Mod Quad. Carroll Hall was the keynote speaker.
One Howard Hall RA began the conference, “At Howard, we have some new residents—bats. We love our bat friends! Some dorms have dogs, but the Howard Ducks just prefer bats. For one, it helps ensure we all go to bed on time—no one wants to be up when they roam the halls.”
She continued, “I think it’s important to give less-commonly domesticated animals a home. Notre Dame needs to increase its diversity within the halls. We can’t just allow only ‘normal’ animals in halls. We should open it to all animals of all kinds!”
Following this, a representative from Morrissey Manor spoke. “All dorms should be forced to bring their mascot into their dorm. We must hold ourselves to the same standards as others if our movement is to be credible. Howard should be a home not only for bats, but for ducks too.” The assembly began to nod in approval. Some members of Stanford looked pleased, while other Griffins looked exceptionally concerned. The Morrissey representative neglected to mention that his mascot is the dorm building itself.
A member of Carroll Hall stood and began to speak in dissent. “We already have enough struggles in Carroll. If we were to join this movement, we would rapidly outpace all of the other dorms in character. The Vermin would be far too strong. It simply wouldn’t be fair to the other halls. Think of Graham Fam. They would be crushed!”
Lyons Hall disagreed. “How is it that Carroll Hall is called the Vermin, but don’t open their doors to rodents?” (Notably, Lyons Hall also did not agree to the amendment). Carroll members began to mutter something about glass houses. Father Pete, charged with moderating, began to quote Matthew 7:5.
Carroll Hall later agreed to pass the amendment, if Lyons Hall agreed to do the same. Lyons Hall did not. They declined to comment.
Without the votes of Carroll and Lyons, the amendment failed. In its stead, a new proposal was brought to the university: mandatory mold colonies. “Many of us already have them, so this request should be a simple step in the right direction,” said a representative from Keenan.
Other ideas were also suggested, such as the removal of all air-conditioning units. “Our ancestors have thrived long before AC was invented. And isn’t it interesting,” put in one student from Sorin, “that mental illness is only prevalent where air-conditioning is plentiful?” A petition for this is currently in the works. It comes at a crucial time as warmer weather approaches.
Siegfried Hall, too, had a contribution. They suggested removing all shower curtains to “foster a greater sense of community.” Though this failed to pass, it is unclear if Siegfried will move to implement this in their own hall.
As it stands, the petition for mold (Mold Builds Character—MBC) and another against AC (AC Is Causing the Death of the West—ACICDW) have been sent to Father Dowd, and can be found on change.org. Simply search, “Petition to Save Notre Dame.”
An alumnus of the class of 1971 weighed in, “Back in my day, mold was part of the experience. The mold was meant to mold you into a man who could conquer anything. And now it’s a health hazard? I tell ya, we are soft. And I tell you, ever since 1972 …” At this point in the interview, the Rover conveniently forgot the rest of his statement.
Though the future of this movement is unclear, this much is certain: expect change.
Jack Krieger is a freshman in Morrissey Hall. He and countless others have already signed the petition. Join them by emailing jkrieger@nd.edu.
Photo Credit: Irish Rover
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