With Syllabus Week now a mere memory, many students are coming to the uncomfortable realization that school has, in fact, started.  Though one might not expect this realization to come as a surprise—given that class has been in session for over a month—many students are still scrambling to get some basic school necessities.  To help you figure out if you are one of these people, we have composed a simple, eight-step checklist to help you determine if you are already behind.

  1. Instead of buying a folder to hold papers and handouts, you have opted for the “shove it to the bottom of your backpack” technique.  This clever method will not only ensure that your papers are hopelessly crumbled, but will also guarantee that at least a few of them will be gently dusted in a fine layer of crumbs and pencil shavings.
  2. Rather than buy the required textbooks, you have chosen to use the free Google Books preview.  Sure, you might only be able to view a few pages of the actual book, but you have convinced yourself it covers all of the important points and is sufficient for writing your thesis paper.
  3. When you walk into your dorm room, instead of hanging up your clothes you simply throw them into a pile because “Mom will wash them for me.”
  4. In lieu of getting pens and pencils, you have become a master of borrowing/never giving back all writing utensils.
  5. Instead of taking notes, you have managed to rationalize all lectures as “Intro Material,” information that does not need to be written down because your professor is still just giving an overview of the course.
  6. You are genuinely shocked when your friends say they do not want to go out on a Tuesday night, even though school “just started.”
  7. You are even more shocked when they tell you that Sundays are not actually FunDays and that they cannot join you on your tour of South Bend’s historic bar scene.
  8. You realize, with a sinking sense of horror, that most midterms start TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!

Declan Feeley is a junior finance and theology double major.  He is looking for a humor apprentice who read this article and related to it at least a dozen times.  Reach out to him at dfeeley@nd.edu.