Probably Not.

At a certain point in every man’s life, he reaches a crossroad of sorts. He might be 15, he might be 50, but eventually each man must make a crucial decision. On one side beckons the promise of manhood, while the other side guarantees perpetual boyhood. So the man asks himself: should I grow a beard? The short answer, of course, is no. However, each man must make this mistake for himself. In order to prepare you for the ordeal that will follow, I present the stages of growing a beard.

Day 1: The Beginning

You have finally decided to take the plunge. Those few wispy strands of hair are no longer a nuisance to be cut but rather a badge of honor. You eagerly proclaim to your friends that you are growing out “a little bit of a beard.” Your first stop is to the local CVS to buy $100 worth of clippers and beard cream. You are on your way.

Day 2-7: The Foreshadowing

That pleasant little bit of stubble has now morphed into a mass of red, itchy hairs. Some seem to be growing faster than others. Your friends chuckle quietly to themselves but ensure you that this is just a “growing period.” You console yourself at night by picturing your dream beard.

Day 7-19: The Realization

As your hairs begin to grow longer, you begin to panic as you realize that parts of the beard are not connecting. Maybe you can’t actually grow a beard? In fear, you decide to shave off everything but the mustache. Handlebar mustaches are all the rage right now, you tell yourself, neglecting to realize you cannot think of a single man you know who has one.

Day 20: The Ending

It turns out that you are not, in fact, a bare-knuckle boxer from the 1940s and cannot pull of the handlebar mustache. With resignation, you shave off that last vestige of what was your beard. You have come to realize that you simply were not ready for the long-term relationship that comes with having a beard, the hours of preparation and care that are needed for it to thrive. However, all is not lost. No Shave November will always be there, waiting to drag you back in.

Declan Feeley is a junior Finance and Theology major studying abroad in London. Want advice or suggestions about studying abroad? Email him at dfeeley@nd.edu.