Last Monday around midnight the hunchbacked caretaker and bell-ringer of the Basilica of the Sacred Heart Quasimodo came to the sudden realization that true beauty lies on the inside.

“It’s sometimes hard to remember when we live in a world that prizes physical attractiveness so greatly,” said Quasimodo. “Yet we must remember that, truly, it is not how one looks on the outside, but who one is on the inside.”

Quasimodo, who has lived in the Basilica’s steeple his whole life, formerly gained recognition when he was crowned King of Fools at the Notre Dame Festival of Fools in 2015.  He has been raised by an eccentric cast of anthropomorphic stone gargoyles since childhood.

“I’m very used to being woken up by his songs very early in the morning,” admits Father Pete McCormick. “He is a very gentle and often misunderstood soul. It’s comforting to know he’s finally recognized the beauty within himself.”

Quasimodo has clashed with University officials in the past concerning his unorthodox residency and habits.

“We cannot endorse anyone who lives outside the thirty officially sanctioned dormitories on campus,” said a University spokesperson.

However, the University does support Quasimodo’s decision to remain on campus for more than six semesters.

“All in all, the story’s very inspiring,” said Father McCormick. “Someone should make it into a movie–you know, the type that everyone knows about but nobody’s actually ever seen.”

Hap Burke is a senior. Email him questions or concerns at hburke1@nd.edu