Brenston’s Winter Tips
Hi folks. Brenston the dog here. It isn’t winter yet–but who are we kidding, it is winter yet.
Here are some winter-y tips to get you through this season of snow and cold and presents and cold and dark and cold.
- Unleash your inner husky.
Now, your old pal Brenston is no sleigh dog here. Heh heh. But I do know a friend who has a friend whose kennel-mate is a thoroughbred husky. That’s right–big blue eyes, sharp claws, and a thick coat perfect for these chilly days. And I think all living creatures–whether four-legged or two-legged, or three-legged, or however the riddle of the Sprinx goes–have the power within them to bring that inner husky out into the ocean. Don’t shiver–just GROWL.
- Snuggle up with loved ones.
Now, as a dog, I love to snuggle. It’s just in my nature. Ruff. But I know that all of us can feel cold and alone at times–and not just because of the weather, but also because of the sadness that we carry with us. And during those times–why not snuggle up with our loved ones? We don’t all have furry coats, but we do all have natural body heat in virtue of the fact that we are warm-blooded. Except my old “owner”, Mrs. Chissilling. She was cold as an ice-box.
- Christmas Candy
How I love it. Christmas chocolate, Christmas lollipops, all of it. My doggy dentist hates when I come in after Christmas because of all the yum-yum, nibble-nibble Christmas bonbons which I have stuck in my canines. Haha. What he doesn’t hate is the huge invoice he gets to send me afterwards. Oh woof.
- Kiss the mall Santa
Maybe don’t do this, actually.
- Christmas tree.
- Rapping paper.
I gotta little rhyme
And a little bitta rhythm
You like my beats?
Well I like to give ‘em.
Winter is here
You know what that means
Rapping paper time
And some fresh baked beans.
- The Secret
When I was just a pup, my mother took me outside deep into the woods. It was a cold day–coldest so far that year, in fact. It was night, and the full moon lit the snowy woods like a cold refrigerator light. I didn’t know why we were going. I didn’t even know where we were going. When I looked over at her, she was weeping, silently. Those crystalline tears rolling out of those big brown eyes.
I looked behind us, and saw our paw prints snaking away towards the place whence we had come. I longed to run back to our cosy dog den. But we kept on plodding through the woods. We crossed a frozen stream, its thin ice barely preventing us from falling through. I had no idea how long we had been going. Time seemed to disappear.
I was shivering, wishing I was like one of those huskies my friend once told me about. Memories of my evil old “owner”, Mrs. Chissilling ran through my mind. Finally, we stopped in what seemed to be an arbitrary location. I began to ask my mother why we had stopped, but before I had the chance to get the barks out of my mouth, my mother said the words that I had long feared hearing:
“If Lee Harvey Oswald worked alone, then what do you make of the CIA coverup of the Warren commission?”
- Have a barking good time!