Breaking news: Recent surveys show that a surprising amount of Notre Dame freshmen have taken up recreational crayon-eating. Reds and blues in ones and twos–there seems to be no real rhyme or reason, but first-years ubiquitously have been shoveling Crayola 64-packs into their mouths by the dozen. When researchers polled a choice selection of freshmen, it was revealed that this trend is due to neither hunger nor social pressures. It just seems like the freshmen, in rather startling numbers, are very devoted to feasting on the rainbow. Skittles sales-reps are furious.

There seems to be no preference for color, other than the occasional rejection of violet crayons, which psychologists call a ‘bad sign.’ No matter the cause or direction of this cultural revolution, it certainly doesn’t bode well. More updates to come next issue.