Notre Dame Junior Zach McEverson was ecstatic to discover that the University of Notre Dame has, and has had for over 70 years, a symphony orchestra.

“I was just hanging out under my bed, using my Etch-a-Sketch, doing what I normally do,” said McEverson. “All of a sudden, my roommate Ben, who was also hanging out under my bed, said he had to go. I asked him where he could possibly be going on a Friday night. He told me, to a concert. I told him that we don’t have concerts at Notre Dame. He told me that it wasn’t a regular concert. Turns out, Ben’s in a damn orchestra!”

Ben Alderman, McEverson’s roommate, is the symphony’s first chair violin and has been for two seasons.

“This is great news,” McEverson continued. “Ben used to disappear for two hours per day. I always figured he was doing laundry, but turns out he was practice with the damn symphony orchestra!”

McEverson post-discovery has publicly announced full support of the Notre Dame Symphony Orchestra.

“I endorse it,” said McEverson. “I love the classics! Next time the orchestra plays “It’s My Life,” “Livin’ on a Prayer,” or “You Give Love a Bad Name,” you can bet I’ll be in the damn audience!”

McEverson has already bought tickets to the Orchestra’s concert this Friday.

“The whole thing is a shock to me,” McEverson said. “I’d never expect something like this—after all, Notre Dame is a school, and schools are only supposed to have books and classes and stuff. Next thing you know, people will be telling me we have a damn tackle football team!”