Lent. Cheers to a wonderful season of preparation for Easter. Although, I do still have ashes on my forehead. Maybe giving up showering for Lent was too much?
JPW. Junior Parents Weekend is a great time for all those involved, with lots of good dinners, campus activities, and opportunities for your parents to meet your friends and their families. It’s so great, in fact, that if your parents are anything like mine, they’ll try and turn it into Junior Parents Week, and are not above sleeping on your futon after their hotel reservation runs out.
Creative Bookstore Basketball Team Names. The time has come for students to sign up for the famous Bookstore Basketball Tournament, and while each team will be competing to become Bookstore Basketball champions (or just having fun because raising money for charity is good for its own sake or whatever), everyone knows that there is a far greater status symbol at stake: having the most creative team name. As legend has it, one team years ago picked the name “Bye” so that when their opponents looked at the game schedule, they would think they had a bye to the next round and wouldn’t show up to their game. They made it to the quarterfinals without touching a basketball.
Midterms. Like finals, but you still have to go to class. Yummy.
Interviews. As summer fast approaches, and the student body finds itself at various stages of freaking out over not yet having found the Holy Grail that is the coveted high-power summer internship, many students are right in the thick of interview season. Hopefully a bit of real-life personal experience can be of some guidance while you interview: don’t reach into your mouth to pull out a hair while answering a question. Especially when that hair turns out to be six inches long, not your hair color, and covered in spit. Trust me, just don’t do it.
The Holy Half. After training for the Holy Half for the entire semester, I casually went to the Holy Half website a few days ago to actually register for the race, only to find that registration has been closed for over a month. Now the only thing standing between me and my old habit of sucking down dining hall fro-yo like a vacuum cleaner is my willpower, and we all know that’s not going to get the job done.
Michael Infantine recently took up the coveted mantle of Humor Apprentice, if only because his renowned jokes are famous for making even the most stubborn hyena laugh. If you think he’s funny, let him know at email@example.com.