As I walk around campus, oftentimes flocks of my readers will approach me, asking for pieces of wisdom from my treasure trove of knowledge. In particular, I am often asked, “How best can I dress and act in order to tell the world that I am a freshman?” While to some being a freshman comes easy, to others it is a task of great toil. For those struggling with how best to show off their inner freshman, let me present you with 10 pieces of stellar advice.

1. Wearing your lanyard and ID around your neck is extremely important, and it will not at all make you look like a clueless 17-year-old. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just jealous that they did not think of it first.

2. Make sure to drink the water in DeBartolo, and fill up any bottles you have with you to take home for later. That metallic taste just means it is extra healthy.

3. Other students love when you ask a question right before class ends. This shows how well you have been paying attention, and they will appreciate being held overtime.

4. If you have a backpack, you are only allowed to wear it with one strap. Wearing two straps just makes it look like you try too hard. That aching pain in one of your shoulders just confirms how cool you are.

5. Playing loud music out of your dorm room windows shows the world that your room is the place to be. People will especially like it if your music overlaps with someone else’s nearby, as that just proves that you are an awesome DJ who knows how to mix and match sounds.

6. When heading to South Dining Hall, make sure to back up unexpectedly without looking where you are going. Other students will relish the opportunity to hone their reflexes and will thank you for keeping them on their toes.

7. Taking Instagram or Snapchat photos of dorm parties is vital. If you do not post a photo, it is as if you did not even attend the party, and people will make fun of you behind your back. Remember, the more photos you took, the more fun you had.

8. When first meeting someone, make sure to ask them about their major. People rarely get asked this question and will be impressed by your ability to craft a conversation.

9. Whatever you do, make sure to dress completely inappropriately for the day’s weather forecast. Your disregard for season-appropriate attire will prove to the rest of campus that you are a maverick who does not play by the rules.

10. Disregard every piece of advice I have given you. In fact, do the exact opposite of everything I just said.

Declan Feeley is a senior theology and finance double major whose interests include writing and investment theory. Declan can be contacted by email at