Hoping for a Snow Day: An Exercise in Disappointment
As the weather has become worse and worse over the past month, many Notre Dame students have found themselves asking what the official university policy is for declaring a snow day. Some students believe that such a declaration only occurs when there is an excessive amount of snow on the ground or when wind chill has the potential to cause frostbite.
Surprisingly, such beliefs are far from the truth. Du Lac clearly states, “The University of Notre Dame will only declare a snow day if given a Divine Revelation from God, preferably to an upper level administrator using an appropriate form of communication.”
This policy has led many to question what exactly an appropriate form of Divine Revelation would be. School administrator Father Newman recently clarified the issue. “Divine Revelation can take many forms,” he said. “For example, if Touchdown Jesus were to suddenly starting bleeding from the hands and side, that would be an acceptable reason for a snow day. Similarly, if a plague of locust descended upon the countryside, we would take that into consideration.”
However, it appears that not all Divine Revelations are equal. Students who were suddenly blessed with the Stigmata of Christ would first be taken to Saint Liam Hall before snow day consideration would be granted. In some cases, the validity of the Divine Revelation may also be taken into consideration. For example, a sudden ability to speak in tongues might be caused more by hypothermia than the Holy Spirit.
Many students were shocked to learn that this was in fact the official university policy. Junior Andrew Schillebeeckx commented on the issue, saying, “It can be so hard to get out of my cozy bed in the morning. All I have to look forward to is the promise of a snow day, and now I have to receive an authenticated Divine Revelation to get one?”
When last seen, Schillebeeckx was fervently claiming to have seen what he describes as a giant cross in the sky made out of the words “Snow Day.”
Declan Feeley is as senior theology and finance double major whose interests include writing and investment theory. Declan can be contacted by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.